An Addict’s Love Song to Her Son
Setting Boundaries in Sobriety
How to Restore Marital Equilibrium in Recovery
Dating While (Newly) Sober
The Walk
Men… I’ve Always Been Obsessed With Them
Neil Strauss' Evolution
Tattoos, Love, and Recovery
Act Like a Lady
6 Steps to Address Relationship Issues in Recovery
Setting Our Abound-aries: Dating and Sobriety
My First Sober Heartbreak
5 Surprising Ways PTSD Affected My Relationships
Oh, and for the record, I remained exclusive when I was dating mono folks. I didn't push for poly. I don't date mono people any more, as a rule. But when I did, it was by their rules.
Posted by polymythy http://petdreams.tumblr.com on July 30, 2010 at 8:44 PM · Report
31
This is a lot about not loving someone for whom they are. It exists not only in parallel universes, but in all relationships involving self-unaware people. Ride on.
Posted by barfuss on July 30, 2010 at 9:35 PM · Report
32
and then there's the sad fact that all even after you finally find a good label for yourself it might peel off. Those things don't always stick permanently. having a half a century to watch people I can see almost everyone changes over years. Someone who started out poly might lose that drive when middle age hits. Someone who's mono might get really really bored and suddenly think poly looks kind of interesting.
I bet that's a real PITA for someone whose central identity is their sexual make-up...maybe even enough to make them stick to a type of relationship they've emotionally grown away from.
Posted by kate r http://katerothwell.blogspot.com on July 30, 2010 at 10:51 PM · Report
Unregistered Comment on July 30, 2010 at 11:29 PM33
Unregistered Comment on July 31, 2010 at 12:23 AM34
35
It is possible to really, truly, deeply love someone and not be a good partner for them.
If anyone in the relationship says or thinks to themselves "I guess I could TRY to curb my own desires for my preferred relationship style in order to be with this person because I *love* them", then you're probably deluding yourself.
If you can't say "Yes! That's what I've been looking for!", or even "I have no emotional attachment whatsoever to any particular relationship style - whatever works, works", then you will fall into this cowboy struggle. Yes, it works both ways - it's not fair to the poly person to try and "fix" them or "show them that I'm the One True Love for them", and it's not fair for the poly person to string along a mono with "but I can change!"
Love does not conquer all. If the people in the relationship want fundamentally different things from their relationship, it will not last and it will most likely end very badly.
It is possible to truly love someone and not be a good partner for them. If you do truly love them, back off and let them find a relationship that will make them happy.
Setting Boundaries in Sobriety
How to Restore Marital Equilibrium in Recovery
Dating While (Newly) Sober
The Walk
Men… I’ve Always Been Obsessed With Them
Neil Strauss' Evolution
Tattoos, Love, and Recovery
Act Like a Lady
6 Steps to Address Relationship Issues in Recovery
Setting Our Abound-aries: Dating and Sobriety
My First Sober Heartbreak
5 Surprising Ways PTSD Affected My Relationships
Oh, and for the record, I remained exclusive when I was dating mono folks. I didn't push for poly. I don't date mono people any more, as a rule. But when I did, it was by their rules.
Posted by polymythy http://petdreams.tumblr.com on July 30, 2010 at 8:44 PM · Report
31
This is a lot about not loving someone for whom they are. It exists not only in parallel universes, but in all relationships involving self-unaware people. Ride on.
Posted by barfuss on July 30, 2010 at 9:35 PM · Report
32
and then there's the sad fact that all even after you finally find a good label for yourself it might peel off. Those things don't always stick permanently. having a half a century to watch people I can see almost everyone changes over years. Someone who started out poly might lose that drive when middle age hits. Someone who's mono might get really really bored and suddenly think poly looks kind of interesting.
I bet that's a real PITA for someone whose central identity is their sexual make-up...maybe even enough to make them stick to a type of relationship they've emotionally grown away from.
Posted by kate r http://katerothwell.blogspot.com on July 30, 2010 at 10:51 PM · Report
Unregistered Comment on July 30, 2010 at 11:29 PM33
Unregistered Comment on July 31, 2010 at 12:23 AM34
35
It is possible to really, truly, deeply love someone and not be a good partner for them.
If anyone in the relationship says or thinks to themselves "I guess I could TRY to curb my own desires for my preferred relationship style in order to be with this person because I *love* them", then you're probably deluding yourself.
If you can't say "Yes! That's what I've been looking for!", or even "I have no emotional attachment whatsoever to any particular relationship style - whatever works, works", then you will fall into this cowboy struggle. Yes, it works both ways - it's not fair to the poly person to try and "fix" them or "show them that I'm the One True Love for them", and it's not fair for the poly person to string along a mono with "but I can change!"
Love does not conquer all. If the people in the relationship want fundamentally different things from their relationship, it will not last and it will most likely end very badly.
It is possible to truly love someone and not be a good partner for them. If you do truly love them, back off and let them find a relationship that will make them happy.
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